The Art of Roughhousing by Anthony T. DeBenedet M.D

Author:Anthony T. DeBenedet, M.D [DeBenedet, Anthony T., M.D.; Cohen, Lawrence J., Ph.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-59474-514-0
Publisher: Quirk Books
Published: 2011-05-16T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 5

Contact

“Once you’ve wrestled, everything else in life is easy.”

—Dan Gable, Olympic gold-medal wrestler

From rambunctious wrestling to wild flips and rolls, physical contact is the heart of roughhousing—and, really, at the root of our experience as humans. We are all social beings; we require connection with other people. If we’re lucky, we exist in close, warm, loving connection, not isolated and alone. In every culture, healthy touch is the most basic way to communicate that connection. Once we reach the age of two or three, we also have words to express love. Yet nothing ever replaces the power of physical contact, because nothing else shows other people so clearly and so well that we are really there with them.

It turns out there are two types of physical contact that greatly impact people’s lives. One is tender, such as rocking a baby to sleep. The other is playful, like rolling down a hill with your child tucked in your arms (see Steamroller, this page). Both types activate our tactile sensory neurons. They also trigger brain circuits for pleasure, contentment, and joy, creating a lifelong link between healthy touch and positive feelings. Good physical contact instantly signals safety and connection by releasing the hormone oxytocin, sometimes called “the cuddle chemical.” That’s why we advocate beginning and ending all roughhousing sessions with hugs and high fives.

The chemicals that are released in our brains when we give or receive genuine touch don’t just promote exuberance, delight, and happiness; they can be healing as well. The right kinds of touch can be soothing, calming, energizing, and therapeutic. Researchers have begun to explore the effect of affectionate touch between spouses on cardiovascular health, with the hypothesis that more touch leads to cleaner arteries. Like compound interest, good hugs build on one another, leading to overall greater happiness. When we’re happier, we feel less stress—which is good for blood vessels, great for hearts, and fabulous for relationships.

In the last twenty years, children have been taught the difference between good touch and bad touch to empower them to recognize and prevent abuse. We applaud these efforts but believe that the emphasis has been too strong on the avoidance of bad touch—while undermining the positive value of good touch. One example was the story we shared earlier about the middle school that, because of violent incidents, banned all forms of physical contact. Another example comes from John, an after-school-program teacher. He told Larry about a boy who, in the middle of his kindergarten year, came to a new school, eager to make friends. His strategy was to kiss every child who came near. Some of the kids liked this gesture, though most didn’t; and the teachers didn’t like it at all. John realized the boy needed an alternative way to make friends, so he taught him how to high-five. The boy ran off to immediately try it, shouting, “High five!” and slapping hands with the first kid he saw. It worked!

In other words, when out-of-control violence—or out-of-control affection—is the problem, elimination of all physical contact is not the solution.

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